Wow. I really should be going to bed right now, and I was about to, but then I had an idea for something to blog about, and then came up with the title, which works best rigth now, and so I decided to just go ahead and write a new entry. (The title, by the way, is a reference to the reason why I'm up so damn late--I must have spent at least the last two hours looking at videos on YouTube.)
So, event-wise, nothing too incredibly exciting has been happening lately. I did, however, finish
The Wire (which I still plan to discuss in greater detail in the future), and immediately wanted to watch the entire series over again. I also listened to the audiobook version of Neil Gaiman's
The Graveyard Book, which is fantastic and made me cry several times and I highly recommend it. I have definitely begun to fall in love with his work. I haven't been going out much because of needing to finish watching
The Wire and doing preliminary research on it by next Friday, but I did go to the Japanese Language Lunch at Benihana last weekend, and didn't speak much, but listened intently.
The main reason I'm writing this entry right now, though, is because I want to talk about a problem I have. (Warning: it might be a little depressing, but maybe only for me)
I tend to get along with people well. Not very often have there been people who (to my knowledge) have really disliked me. However, there are cetainly people who I don't particularly like, and usually those people pick up on my feelings toward them and reciprocate. Despite my ability to get along with people and make friends, though, I have a very hard time developing relationships beyond a simple friendship. The best way I can explain what I mean is by discussing spending time with people. With most of the friendhips I have had, the way I meet the people is by having some activity in common, such as being in the same class, going to the same church, being in the same club, etc. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. However, only a few times in my life (and very few times within the past several years) have I been friends with people who I see outside of those common places. Rarely in my life have I had friends whom I would make a point of seeing, with whom I would plan something to do together. This makes them more friends by convenience and chance rather than friends by effort or choice. The effects of having these sorts of frienships is I wind up being very alone a lot of the time. For example, the only times all last year when I actually planned to do something with someone (other than familly members) were when Julia was in town, and she and I would have lunch or see a movie or something. That's it. Now, I realize that the reason for having so few friends with whom I actually do things is because of my actions (or inaction, as the case may be). I haven't actively pursued augmenting friendships as much as I could, and, as being in a completely new environment has made even more clear, I haven't made a great effor to make new friends. My best friends at Georgetown are the people in my Japanese class, and they are terrific people, but rarely do I do anything with them outside of Japanese class (except have lunch directly after Japanese class). I would like to do more with them, but I get the feeling that they have other groups of friends as well, and they are busy enough as it is spending time with their other friends (especially if they are convenient, such as other people on their floor). Now, I could spend a lot more time with people on my floor, but since I have very little interest in going out drinking or going to clubs that will make it so I will lose my hearing in a few short years, I don't. I have also made some friends through various clubs (Anime Club, <edieval club, GU Pride), but again, they tend to be friends of convenience, and have other friends with whom they actually want to spend time. And that leads me to another problem of mine: what I really want/need is someone who wants me to be his or her friend as much as I want him or her to be mine. Perhaps something akin to a
best friend. Ideally, I want a friend who would, in most cases, want to spend time and enjoy spending time with me when possible--someone on whose company I could always count when I'm just watching a movie over the weekend--someone to whom I could say "I really feel like getting a burrito. Want to go to Chipotle?" and have it not be awkward or a big deal. I don't think it's such a huge desire, especially considering most other people seem to be able to find those sorts of friends pretty easily. So it's probably something that I'm doing (or not doing) worng. I just don't know what to do to change. And let's not even get into finding someone with whom I could be
romantically involved.
Well, that wound up being a lot longer that I anticipated. And my apologies for both the length and the extreme bitching that went on in it. But hey, isn't that what personal blogs with practically nonexistent readership are for?
Until next time--
Comments (2)
Charles! I know exactly what you mean.
I have been doing so much thinking about friendship lately. I've been having TONS of cases of the lonelies up here. And I've been having a rough time making friends. I've been like contemplating where my excellent MVS friendships came from. And, to be perfectly honest with you, I definitely miss having a best friend (katherine) slash boyfriend to just call up and be like hey meet me at target. I know how you feel, because I don't have that here.
But then I got to thinking how in the world I got so lucky to have this thing called a best friend. And, Charles, I have good news. Best friends come from the anime clubs and japanese classes of the world. You have to meet people to get to know them. So maybe you havent found that best friend yet. That's okay. It starts with just one meeting outside of the daily routine to get it started.
Trust me, sir, I've been feeling extremely down in the dumps lately. I feel like everyone already has their friends all picked out and programmed into their speed dials. I don't know about Georgetown but I know that here it also seems as though the average quality of people is lower than that of MVS. I think that best friends will come with time, and I think that people you see outside of the daily schedule will also come in time. At least I hope so. But, if there are more people like me and you out there, we're bound to find someone!
Um definitely. You should most certainly visit boston. When is your spring break?